Thursday, December 25, 2008

"I see dead people."

"A dead thing can go with the stream, but only a living thing can go against it." from Everlasting Man by GKC.
The Bible gives many metaphors: "living water," "the Spirit lives within you," "We are dead in our trespasses and sins." If we do not have the Spirit living within us then we are dead. There are a lot of dead people walking around on this earth. They fool us by eating and sleeping and breathing. They fool us in a lot of ways. Their products look attractive to us, but what they produce should be anything but attractive.
I rise from my bed with glassy eyes. I can lift my arms, I can even run, but my heart does not beat faster because I do not have one. No one sees into my soul because it is too small. This is what I picture of myself had I not tasted this "living water" that I was so freely given. I say given, and yet, I chose to drink it. God in His grace chose to save me and yet I chose salvation. The Spirit came to dwell within me. Wake up Spirit, don't sleep. Be ever watchful and ever mindful over my soul which is ever grateful.
Now, instead of floating along with every other dead fish, I've grown legs and walked through the knee-deep, rushing waters. It may seem perilous at times, but we're really only given two options: walk against the stream and thus perpetuate yourself, or lie down and die. I get tired and want to lie down. The world may be spinning faster but the orders have not changed, so when I get tired I must walk. (can anyone tell me where that last allusion came from?:)

Friday, December 12, 2008

My mind sees in color, it's more fun that way.

I have secretly always wondered what it would be like to be colorblind, what "colors" would you see exactly. I hear the usual "shades of gray," but I feel it runs deeper than that. It's like not being able to taste spice. The world is filled with so much beauty that can only be beheld through the eyes of color. Just like food that makes a great presentation but lacks flavor. I took a picture and made it black-and-white. It wasn't until this that I noticed I had removed the reds and yellows of Fall from the background, making it rather unsavory. It took removing the color for me to notice it. I've always liked Cinderella's mantra, "Don't know what ya got 'til it's gone!"
This proves true time and again. Whether it be family that you take for granted or that job you grumble about, think of how insipid life would be without them. The same is similar for things that I have ardently pursued in the past. I didn't realize how vapid my life was until God dramatically changed it, and I was able to see more clearly the object that I pursued and what I was missing. He had given me color, but not the ability to see it, therefore I had neither.
Chili without taste,
a beautiful woman without a face,
elegance without grace.
Tell me, where is one found without the other?
Blindness erased.
Vapidity replaced.

Friday, December 5, 2008

my tired eyes roam the well-worn night

In a study, Romeo y Julieta stare into each other's eyes at my elbow, The Brothers K is finally dry after being saved from a watery fate, the three bouncy beauties I was babysitting are asleep, and coffee is calling me. Hmm, what is this? The Vampire Diaries next to Beowulf and the Bible? I wonder what's in that jug trying to hide under a blue t-shirt. It's not working, I know you're a jug. This is not a "study" per se. It does not have scarlet walls and bookshelves floor to ceiling. It's more unique than that, like an I Spy book. I spy a carbon dioxide tank. I spy pool chemicals. I spy a crate full of empty beer bottles asking for more homemade brew. I hear the humming laptop, and that is all. I'm thinking of all those things I could be doing right now... Chemistry, reading, calling, baking cookies, sleeping, but I am enjoying doing nothing way too much. Wandering around a house that isn't mine, the quiet stillness of it, the smell of coffee, and the offer to watch tv. I could go for a swim, it's only cold enough to freeze my organs. I could lie on the couch and stare at the ceiling or beat myself in checkers, or start writing a recipe book.

Ok, one computer crash and a plenitude of puke later and I am back to finish my post. It's hard being small, but she was brave. I thought I might throw up, but had to suck it up and clean it up. No more throw-up in the hair, bed sheets, blankets, pjs. All clean and back to sleep. Adieu, I'll pray for you.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Am I smart? wise? why would that matter?

Nobody cares how smart you are. What matters in this age of industry, and the pursuit of the "American Dream," is money. (Unless you are cunning enough to be the next Bill Gates, and then u can have both.) What job do you have? How much money do you make? Houses, cars, items. That is where our value is placed. This land was founded on good American boys slitting each others throats for the best spot of land. This is the American Dream, and this is what we are still accomplishing today. We are not taught to accept with contentment what we have, we are taught to conquer what we do not. Conquering and subduing the earth is our blessing and duty, but there is a limit. We have put a price where there does not need to be one. We are not taught to love learning, reading, eloquence, writing, thinking. We are taught that whatever makes the most money must be the most important, best option. This is facetious.
I am currently working to make money. I am very thankful for my job and I wouldn't have it any other way for the time being. But to do what I'm talented at or what I love to do, pursue writing, read, talk, cook, I would not make any money. I am not able to fully utilize myself and yet, I feel I am learning many things.
Back to my rant on the American pecuniary attitude. Wisdom is not revered. The elderly are not revered. We go to shrinks, instead, in hopes of oracles. We have left Wisdom in the bedchamber to seek other pleasantries. But as Christians, we should not let ourselves forget the importance of loving Wisdom, we should not stray from her beauty. Our goal is to seek her out. We must find her. Solomon found her.


Trains are our connection to the old world. As I rolled down the road on my way to work, I glanced over my left shoulder to spot what looked like an old red caboose, but it was the little trainworkers' hut by the tracks. The antiquated, rusting, scarred-from-much-use trains that we see daily make an odd fit in such a modern world. I rue the day these become relics of the past. But they will, just like Reagan, and sun dials, and mailmen. I am all for progress, don't get me wrong, but some things should take time. A handwritten letter is more memorable, yet rare. I say all this as I look down at my notebook filled with paper, saying, "Why would I waste a sheet of paper when I can write through my fingertips?" Paper, paper, paper.
Good things take time. Otherwise we end up with toys that break because you actually played with them, or products that come in the guise of food but no flavor. Our sin is forgetfulness and our excuse is time. Makes me glad that God is outside of time and doesn't forget us. He still makes the sun shine every morning, He still gives us grace for our lives, and makes the rain water our crops, He still lets us have jobs, etc. I do believe progression is supposed to fit into this enjoyment of ours, but it's our attitude that doesn't fit. The internet is another fun tool that we have. Shoot, makes it possible for me to write randon stuff in one location and several people read it at the same time, blows my mind.