Friday, February 3, 2012

Memories with Mom

It's already February of 2012! My mind rolls over many thoughts, but none so prevalent nor so sweet as my mother. She has been in Heaven nearly nine months now. My mother who bore me for nine months. I'm sure I made her puke, I kicked her, and sat on her bladder. I caused her excruciating pain, and she bore it all for me and so much more. I wish I could ask her how it was, how I was. But the soliloquy I long for will never come. What I do know is how I am. How I smile when I do something just like Mom or say something she would have said. I know I'll see her in my child's look or laugh. Because of her I do know that I want to be a sweet momma who bears pain without complaining. I want to be an example of Christian charity and love to those I meet as well as those under my care.
I can't ask her how much weight she gained while pregnant or what foods made her sick, but I can remember all those leg rubs she gave me. She would come into my room, sit on the edge of my bed, put my legs in her lap, and massage my cramping calves. She was my best masseuse. She did this night after night for me from the time I can remember, possibly five or six years old, until past twenty. Never did I hear her complain about the time it took up or the frequency of my requesting it.
Sometimes I feel so close to her, I can see her brunette ponytail and smile as she carries around another grandchild. And talk to her I can. But my lips purse at the thought and nothing comes out. I want to talk to my baby too, but also feel funny about that because I can't see him/her either. But I guess there's nothing like doing. I have so many good memories with Mom even up until her last breaths, and sometimes I want to talk to her about them. I want to keep the memories fresh and alive because they're what I've got of her.

1 comment:

susie said...

ooo... I remember her shoulder massages were excellent too :) Thinking about your mamma brought back one of her phrases that I expected and loved to hear when I saw her. "Now, sit down and tell me alllll about it!" hahha.... who could resist.