Saturday, August 15, 2015

I will be a grandma one day and when I am...

I want to remember these days that are "so hard" or "overwhelming." I want to remember these days, not so I can look back and moan but because I will be a grandma one day. My kids will have little kids who wake them up all hours of every night and 5 a.m. sharp. They too will look in the fridge at 5 p.m. saying, "Oh no! I don't know WHAT we are having for dinner." And when I come to visit them I want to be the grandma who takes a blanket and a toddler or two to sit on the porch and watch the sun rise. I want to be the grandma who brings dinner over "just because". I want to be a grandma who tells bedtime stories and builds forts. And most of all I want to be a grandma who opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is always on my tongue. (Proverbs 31:26)

How is she already this big? Did I miss anything?

She is beautiful. When did she get so big? I wish I could write like all the other blogger moms, who captivate audiences, to tell how the wind is playing with her strands of hair. I didn't even take a picture. Instead I take another deep breath of the rushing wind around us. I watch her walk next to me carrying the mail up the driveway. And I soak it in: her smile and want for independence. Because one day she won't be running and shrieking down the driveway; she won't need me to buckle her in her car seat or fix her hair. She will have her own driveway with her own car to drive down it. At this thought I tear up and pick her up (because I still can) holding her for the rest of the walk up the driveway. "Would you like Momma to paint your toenails?", I ask. "Oh yes! I want blue." There are many things I can't remember lately. But this little girl, My little big girl with blue toenails, I won't forget.